It feels like I have been stretched in a million directions lately. I’ve been eating well and getting plenty of sleep, but have been more detached from myself than I’ve been for a while.
I suppose this is a natural outgrowth of having SO MUCH ENERGY and wanting to get so much stuff done before the bean arrives. Plus, I’ve been negotiating with work about going down to part time, and that has been stressful…more so than I expected.
Part of it is that the vibe there is soo crazy and fearful. But another part of it is my own ambivalence about seguing out of full time work. Part of me loves having something to do that’s defined every day, with people I love. Part of me is dying to have more time to read, meditate, do yoga, and de-stress.
And then, it occurs to me that at the root of it all is the terror I feel of being financially dependent on someone else. Even though C has totally agreed to support me financially, and even though I do have money saved of my own, it brings up a lot of feelings. What if something bad happens? What will it mean to be a full-time mom? What if I end up driving a mini-van?
Am I ready for this?
The physical stuff seems to be in place….after many phone calls and interviews, I’ve got a great birth team. I hope to be down to part time @ work by mid-Feb, and I’m feeling pretty good, physically, overall. So maybe now it’s time to reconnect with my soul. Hi, soul. How’s it goin?
