when they said “you’ll feel great in the second trimester.”
What an understatement. I don’t feel “great,” I feel amazing. I feel infused by some supernatural force that gives me energy and hope and endless gratitude. I have so much extra energy, I don’t know what to do with myself!
After a long creative dry spell, I picked up a fiction project – let’s call it “Antlerville” – that I’d abandoned a few years ago, and love the characters more than ever. The topic feels more relevent now than ever, too. Taking advantage of jet lag from last week’s NY trip, I’ve spent the last few early mornings jamming on plot, character development, technology research, etc.
My achilles heel in these kinds of things has always been my follow-through, though. Like, I love the thing for the first while, and then some obstacle comes along and I bail on the whole project. I used to get in this cycle all the time, but it started breaking my heart too much, so I quit everything except spinning music.
C is a master at plowing through obstacles. I, much more comfortable in “flow,” am not. Thus, I called a writing coach yesterday to help keep this show on the road. He seems like a smart NY jew – an affable yet extremely articulate guy with a background in psychology – perfect. He happened to have an available appointment tonight, too. Door opens, walk through.
How does work fit into all of this? I decided to do an experiment. If I can leave work @ work for the next 2 weeks, AND make satisfying progress on Antlerville, I will stay there. As an ENFP, I need structure to keep my shit together. But – if this writing coach can provide the structure I need, and/or if I am unable to leave work at work, then I go.
I know this pregnancy thing gets harder. I have to decide where to do the birth, and still must find a midwife and doula. I have all but decided on natural childbirth @ Alta Bates, but need a reality check re: my “high risk” status, since I understand Alta Bates may require more medical-ness than I want now.
But I don’t care about any of that today. I just want to remember this feeling. I wish I could put it in a bottle and sell it. Just in time for the holidays! Or maybe I’d just slip it in the Bush Administration’s water supply. Fa la la. 
