The bean was born at 12:28 AM on 4/20/08 after 40 hours of labor.
The birth itself was amazing. I can’t say enough good things about the staff at Alta Bates. They were human and caring and clear and professional and patient and funny and connected and just amazing. The collaboration between my midwife and the OB on staff was one of the most respectful, collaborative endeavors between allopathic and more non-traditional medicine I’ve ever seen.
The longer version : I was laboring all Friday pm. At 9:30 AM on Sat, when we got to Alta Bates, I was 3.5 CM. They admitted me and we were off…
After 8 more hours of laboring au natural, they did an exam and found I’d only dilated one additional CM. This really depressed me, as I was really working HARD and I felt for sure like we’d gotten much closer. At that point, the nurses were suggesting Pitocin – to which I didn’t object in theory. However, I’d gotten some great advice from a friend about the wisdom of getting an epidural if you are a) hella tired and b) about to do Pitocin.
My nurse was the one who kept saying “you can do this naturally – you can do it” but when she saw my reaction, she said “okay – well you HAVE mentioned an epidural like 30 times in the past 3 minutes…” Hell, I’d been secretly wondering if I could just go get a c-section and be done.
In retrospect, she was probably right. However, it would have required laboring closely with my friend Jill and my mom. They’re both total healer energy worker body types, and I was able to surrender to the pain when they had their hands on me. Still, though, I was exhausted, and I’ve learned not to overestimate my energy reserves when I’m so tired. Plus, I’d puked 3 times by then, and had no food in me – another factor in my exhaustion quotient. Indeed, I’d told myself that – if the pain ever crossed over into suffering, I’d get an epidural, which is exactly what ended up happening.
And with all that said, I LOVED the epidural. It enabled me to feel the surges w/o the pain. It allowed me to get some sleep. My sense of humor returned. My ability to focus on the beauty of the moment did too. For another bunch of hours, anyway.
Then – after another long while of Pitocin and trying to dilate, there were a couple of additional complications as the baby got closer to transition.
First, she was posterior. Both my midwife and the OB on duty would literally stick their hands up into me and try rotating the baby. Jesus Lord Boy Howdy, epidural or no, this hurt like a bleedin’ mofo.
Another problem was that her heart would slow and eventually nearly stop during each surge. This was terrifying, honestly, to hear the fetal heart monitor go
beat-beat-beat-beat ——–beat ————beat————————————beat
There was a theory that it was the Pitocin….another was that the cord was wrapped around her neck.
Somewhere between 1 and 3000 hours later, the OB and my midwife had a conference with lots of acronyms and the word “surgery.” Suddenly something larger than I was driving the time-table and I could feel the energy in the room change. Whether it was the numbing effect of the epidural or my utter trust of the team, but I was not afraid. As they wheeled me into the O.R. I thought “okay, this is it. I’m getting a C-section after all” After all my yammer about this, I was surprisingly at peace. Heck, millions of people get C-sections and this is better than the alternative. Duh.
Once in the OR, it took me a few minutes to realize that they didn’t intend on giving me a c-section right away – but rather we were going to try a superindustrial dose of Pitocin and pushing FIRST, with the knowledge that we’d be all set up to meet the knife if they deemed it necessary.
This (along with the harsh OR lighting) inspired such deep resolve in me, and I began pushing with every atom in my body. After an hour of pushing, the abstract bean was a reality –and a little wiggly vernix-covered babe with a mop of brown hair landed on my chest.
We’re still getting acclimated. I am moody as all hell and tired of all of the effluvia that comes with new motherhood. Sleep is still random, though she seems to be sleeping for longer stints at a time.
I am completely impressed by the staff at Alta Bates, who chose NOT to do the easy route and instead gave us time to give birth without the c-section. Thanks from the bottom of my heart to Hsui-Li Cheng, Dr Mara Greenberg, Sonia, Betty, Jill, my doula Darlene, my husband C, my wonderful mum, and all the wonderful docs and nurses that helped shepherd this little bean into humanhood. Blessings to all!
