1. Do not pay attention to any of the statistics. If someone starts talking to you about statistics, cover your ears and start reciting the Declaration of Independence until they stop. The only thing that knowing the statistics will do is make you worry, and worry is the LAST thing you should be spending energy on now.
2. Get 1 mg of folic acid a day. (Trader Joes sells bottles of 800 microgram tablets, so two of those per day should do the trick. Folic acid is water soluable so you can OD and nothing will happen.)
3. Do whatever your body wants. It will probably just want to eat, sleep and be moody. If you are an especially kinesthetic person, this can be a challenge, because you’re used to knowing what your body wants and how to take care of it. A lot of that will go out the window now because your body is now being colonized by a mute little space alien that’s jamming up a lot of your circuits.
Eating tips - Eat lots of little meals to avoid nausea. Handfuls of almonds between meals help a lot. If you’re going to chow, try to do so on healthy stuff. You could use it as an excuse to go on a Twinkie bender, but you prolly won’t feel that great when it’s done.
Sleeping tips - The research on caffeine and pregancy is mixed. Recent research suggests that a one cup of coffee a day is okay. I just went off of it altogether. But having no caffeine does add to the fatigue. Sleep as much as you can. If you have a partner, tell him this is normal and not to take it personally.
Mood Swings - Alas, this is another very normal part of it – the incessant mood jags which are only exacerbated by the aforementioned nausea and lack of sleep. I am an emotional person anyway so I’m not sure I have any good advice for this. Meditate and keep lots of Kleenex on hand?
4. Take one OB appointment at a time. My first visit, I barraged my OB with questions. “What tests will I need? What are all the possible problems and complications?” She looked at me lovingly and said, “One appointment at a time. Stay in the present.” This helps you a) stay focused on taking care of your body, which is your top priority now and b) also helps you not pay attention to all those blasted statistics!
5. Know that most miscarriages in the first trimester are due to genetic incompatabilities. This means that nature is doing its thang. You worry about doing your thang (eat, sleep, cry/scream) and let nature worry about the rest. If it’s not meant to happen, you will know you did everything you could.
6. More things you can choose to do or not do. Stay away from alcohol, hot tubs, synthetic hair dye, soft cheeses, and sushi. Keep tuna and other fish with higher mercury levels to once/week. Get acupuncture and massages and do pre-natal yoga. Don’t do regular yoga in your first trimester. The whole thing is about being gentle. Anything to help you feel more in your body.
7. If your boobs never got attention before, they will now. This can be fun, but they will be sore, so it’s a bit of a mixed blessing.
8. Don’t tell people unless you know they’ll be supportive. Some people got freaked out by the fact that I’m over 40. This really doesn’t help. I wish I hadn’t told them.
9. Your relationship may not adapt in the most perfect, optimal, sunshiney and idyllic way. The dynamic is changing rapidly – you’re going inward saying ‘omg wtf’ and he’s going ‘omg wtf’ too. Try to frame this whole pregnancy/kid thing as an adventure that you and your partner are on together. Give him updates how how you’re doing. C gets sick of hearing how shitty I feel, but at least it lets him know why I’m so crabby. He says it’s better than not hearing anything.
10. Read Annie Lamott’s Operating Instructions She cuts through all the bs and makes parenthood seem actually do-able.
…..hmmm. What did I miss?
mama pajama said,
October 3, 2007 at 9:33 am
Not to say there aren’t some genuine concerns with the food rules, but I’m a big fan of everything in moderation. That is, unless your body is demanding it; then see rule #3. Personally, I spent my last two months eating nothing but tuna sushi; I kid you not. Damn, it was tasty.
e said,
October 3, 2007 at 9:40 am
hmc spent a lot of time reading several books and found that if you look long enough, you can find a source that will justify anything. a lot of the anti-sushi stuff is from places that think that you should never eat sushi EVER. and some other place that wanted you to avoid cheese recommended slices of american cheese instead. is that really better? ugh.
sparkle said,
October 3, 2007 at 11:28 am
i like to remind people that the stories the read on the internet are the stories that are most interesting, most exciting to hear and tell. ‘everything went fine,’ is not great in terms of story telling, it’s sort of boring, that’s why you don’t see as much of that as anything else. (this is true of everything from home ownership, to pregnancy, to hiking, as far as i can tell.)
also, i have a friend who works in genetics with children and babies. she likes to remind everyone that ‘*most* babies are fine.’ i think that’s a good one to go along with your #4.
pregnantover40 said,
October 3, 2007 at 1:18 pm
re: fish, why there’s an article out TODAY as a matter of fact that suggests the benefits of fish to fetal health are outweigh the dangers of mercury. *rolls eyes*
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/03/AR2007100301
278.html?hpid=topnews
Over40Sis said,
October 13, 2007 at 9:46 pm
One friend with mood swings adored Yogi Spice tea for some reason. It’s like chai, but isn’t caffeinated. Another friend spent her entire pregnancy drinking steamed milk with vanilla – she said it helped incredibly, especially since she went off of coffee.
People who have nothing supportive to say should mind their own business. Women used to give birth right up until they hit menopause – and the vast majority of those children were fine. Women used to drink, smoke, caffeinate and not take any special care of their bodies – yet here the human race is, humming merrily away. Not that you shouldn’t take the best possible care, of course, but don’t be too hard on yourself, either.
patricia said,
January 8, 2008 at 5:35 am
i found your blog recently and wanted to thank you for your warm and funny insights, especially in surviving the first trimester. i am just beginning this journey at 40++ and finding your thoughts spot on. thanks again and best of luck to you
Roxanne said,
November 22, 2008 at 8:44 am
Thank you for the folic acid info. Can I take more? I’m 44 and with baby three (SURPRISE!). My other two I had in my early 30s. I’m on the OMGWTF stage right now and freaking over all the possible problems yet excited at the same time. I want to do all I can to make certain the baby is healthy. I was not regular with vitamins..sometimes yes, sometimes no…and I wish I had been now. I’m probably around 4-5 wks. Now I read I should have had the folic in the first 3 to 4 weeks. Is it too late?????
Janet said,
December 11, 2008 at 8:14 am
OMGWTF!!! I just found out that I’m pregnant, and I’ll be 44 next month…..married at almost 39 and stopped trying a couple of years ago, changed our lifestyle to focus on us (not worrying about the school district). I need all the advice I can get! Also vegetarian (but eat eggs, dairy, swimming fish), basically healthy lifestyle. Afraid to get too excited or make changes since risks are high…..
Roxanne said,
January 6, 2009 at 11:11 am
You know…forget the risks. Just focus on the positive. And focus on what you can control. You are healthy so just stay the course. I just hit week 12 and the NT fluid is normal 1.1, the first trimester blood screening is normal, and baby is very active on all the ultrasounds. I can’t say that it isn’t a big load off of my back but I couldn’t have changed this outcome much regardless and right now who needs more stress, right? And the worst case scenerios can go hang…. What will be will be. So, CONGRATULATIONS JANET!