September 27, 2007 at 9:55 pm (insanity, physical symptoms)
Tags: olefactory delights
Pregnancy gives you an incredibly fine-tuned sense of smell. This heightened sense is, alas, inextricably linked to your desire to puke. Presumably this trait developed to ensure our ancestral primate mothers were repulsed by nasty toxins, thus ensuring the health of her offspring.
Working in downtown San Francisco, home to a cornucopia of nasty toxins, this keen sense of smell makes for a challenging olfactory obstacle course from parking garage to office door. Indeed, rotting garbage, urine, cigarette smoke, last night’s empty beer bottles, synthetic hair spray, human defecation, greasy restaurant exhaust, cheap cologne, diesel fumes and indeterminate sewer funk are among the smells one must evade if you’re going to make it to the office with your breakfast intact.
Amen.
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September 26, 2007 at 8:16 pm (miracle, physical symptoms, work)
Tags: morning sickness, prayer, pregnant after 40
Dear Lord – I have to do a presentation for our board tomorrow. Please don’t let me puke during this presentation. Please let T forget to wear her noxious perfume that will instantly make me puke if I smell it.
And Lord, while I have your ear, please give me enough energy to exercise. I see all these younger women pushing strollers, bouncing down Market Street, wearing a size 4. How does this happen? Aren’t you MORE tired after your baby is born?
All I know is that my belly is swelling & my love handles are jigglin and it’s gonna get worse before it gets better. It’s almost time to call in big guns, Lord. Hoping you can help a sista out.
Thanks,
b.
P.S. “Morning” sickness!??! Who gave it this name? Someone who obviously never had it. More like “It lasts so long, you’ll forget what it’s like to not want to puke” sickness.
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September 25, 2007 at 2:57 pm (work)
Tags: close calls, disregard for office politics
Almost spilled the beans (so to speak) to my co-worker. Here is the IM chat I had:
b: i am really impatient with stuff like this [frustrating software bug]. This is the universe giving me a lesson in patience
coworker: You can have my kids for a week
b: lol are they lessons in patience?
coworker: big time
b: were you (or your wife) impatient before? are you still impatient?
coworker: I am a zen master now
coworker: I was totally impatient
b: sweet! really? a zen crash course…
[pregnant pause, so to speak, as i force myself not to say "I guess I will find out soon enough!" - instead opting for...]
b: cool. that makes parenthood seem sort of good
coworker: depends how you look at it
b: true. like everything else.
*phew* That was tempting.
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September 25, 2007 at 5:29 am (insanity, miracle, physical symptoms, relationships)
Tags: chaos, life plan, mood swings, Pregnant Over 40
Last week, it seemed I had more energy. Now I feel like someone knocked me on the head with a ball peen hammer. My work has been crazy busy after we got some big press last week. Great for us, but it makes my job that much more of a herculean effort to a) keep a lid on my moods and b) not get exhausted.
And I still haven’t told them.
I had my women’s group last night. I love my womens! I’d not seen them in a while, and it was wonderful to reconnect. When it was my turn to check in, all I could do was cry. I cried about being lonely, and being so bloody tired all the time. I cried about all the fun social engagements I’ve been missing over the past two months. (LOL ya right – you ain’t seen nothin’ yet, Momma!) I cried out of fear – that something will happen, or not happen – or that my life will be turned upside down, or it won’t.
One year ago, my life was pretty much the same as it is now. I was working at the same place, planning a wedding, DJing, spending time with friends. One year from now….? It’s impossible to say what will be happening. I will have a 7 month old. Will my relationship be intact? Will I be working? Will I be keeping up with this blog? Will I be a lumpy bumpy blob?
I need to get some exercise soon. I am turning into a lumpy bumpy blob.
Speaking of lumpy bumpy blobs, the bean is now officially a tiny human:
http://www.babycenter.com/fetal-development-images-10-weeks
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September 22, 2007 at 3:30 pm (development, miracle)
Tags: fetal development, Pregnant Over 40
Had the ultrasound at week 8 just to determine there was a heartbeat.
And there it was. The bean was 1.6 MM long, with this heartbeat that consumed its entire being. bambambam – it must have been going at 140 bpm, like a bloody hard trance track, there it was!
Next ultrasound at week 12 to determine gender, plus two blood tests for genetic abnormalities. Any prayers for the health and stable growth of this little thing would be most welcome.
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September 22, 2007 at 3:19 pm (development, physical symptoms)
Tags: Pregnant Over 40
At long last I am not plagued by incessant nausea. It pops in, in fits and starts, mostly when I’ve not eaten enough protein. But the incessant day-in and day-out desire to puke has lifted! Praise jeebs!
Constipation, on the other hand, that’s still an issue. One of these days there’s not going to be enough room in there for the kid and all this poop, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
Moreover, and most fortunately, I am getting used to all the changes that occur when your body is colonized by a space alien. I can run interference by eating right and getting enough sleep. Yoga, the only exercise I’m getting right now, also helps immeasurably. Sore boobs – no problem – just get a better bra. Done, done and done.
I’ve not yet told my employer, which is a startup and has no official maternity leave policy. And things at that office are so insane right now, an announcement of “I want to leave for 6 months” would be met with “You fucking bitch! How could you??” and I don’t want to evoke that just yet. Plus there’s the whole “wait til the end of the first trimester” thing. So I wait.
In the mean time, CHECK IT OUT! IT LOOKS LIKE A PERSON!
http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/pregnancy/calendar/week/9
“Your baby now is about the size of a medium green olive.”
wow.
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September 13, 2007 at 12:44 am (baby names, insanity)
Why are so many creative professional people naming their kids such intractable names? I am as creative and weird as the next guy, but I can’t see naming my baby “Babooshka.”
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September 12, 2007 at 2:41 pm (insanity, physical symptoms, relationships)
A few days have passed, and the raw brutality is relenting. So much for protecting the fetus from hot emotions. I guess this is the beginning of the rest of a lifetime where good enough is good enough.
Still though, I feel like there’s something I need to represent to C that is not out just yet.
I am officially at 8 weeks – now time is suddenly starting to fly! Tomorrow, I head back to the gyno for a bunch of tests to determine gender, as well as a bunch of other genetic issues.
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September 9, 2007 at 7:38 pm (insanity, relationships)
If my marriage were a boat, it would be thrashed ashore – marooned on a desert island.
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September 9, 2007 at 9:23 am (insanity, relationships)
One thing they don’t tell you much about is that your relationship must undergo spiritual gynmastics (or are they sideshow contortions?) to adapt to a pregnancy. My husband, C., and I have been together for upwards of 4 years now, and suddenly the emotional undercurrents of pregnancy are tugging away at the foundation of our connection.
Things that used to be okay with me – his flakiness, self absorbtion and tendancy to blame others before looking within – are now positively intolerable. I have to believe that these qualities are exacerbated now because that’s the nature of pregnancy – to hit “frappe” on a relationship. And that I am now more sensitive to it than I was before, simply by dint of being more dependent on him.
We got into a huge fight tonight – actually we didn’t, but we could have. I chose not to say anything, but it woke me up. This is the third week we’ve been having this kind of disagreement. I understand our relationship will evolve – it better. Being dependent on someone who is not dependable is a huge challenge.
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